Today I’ve got a beautiful testimony for all of you reading this right now. BUT first, I had to share that as I read Jess’s story, I was reminded of a God moment I had years ago when Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ came out. I remembered watching it at home alone one evening and how deeply the story hit me. The absolute horror of the suffering Jesus endured. The pain, the shame, and the trauma He experienced. His great love for me displayed by his arms stretched wide on a cross. His was a love that was willing to go to the grave and bridge that gap that separated us. It dropped me to my knees and I just wept uncontrollably. For the first time in my life, I was fully aware of the weight of my sin, my role in His suffering, and that He did it all for me. I wept because I had never known a love like that.

That memory got me thinking about my current situation, and God began to reveal to me some ugly, hidden in my heart things. Places where un-forgiveness has held me captive. What I am able to tell you at this moment in the process, is that I can look at the mercy and grace that ran red from that cross, that forgiveness that leaked out of every wound and pore, and I can cling tightly to it for myself.

But, and I am sorry to have to admit it, there are times I glance out at the horror and injustice in the world (and in my life) and think that some things are just unforgivable. This is where I want to be like Jesus the most. To set aside my hurt, pain, and betrayal and be about my Fathers business. I desperately want to learn to love those who have wounded (and continue to wound me) to wholeness without falling apart at their lack of love for me. And more than anything, I want to remember that their apology will never set me free, and it was never going to. Jesus is my liberator.

Jesus looked out into the world and across time, and His response was one that asserted that there is NOTHING that is unforgivable, too dirty, no one too far gone, and no sin too heinous. He chose to serve those deemed unforgivable, wretched, unjust, and He offered Himself as a willing sacrifice so they could be made new. Jesus came to save sinners, all sinners, and He never categorized anyone as unforgivable. Have you ever known a love like that?

Jesus was the sacrifice that changed my history and yours; if you’re willing to accept it. His body was broken on the cross, just as He described when He broke the bread in the upper room for the first communion

“and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.””
‭‭I Corinthians‬ ‭11:24‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

While not a single bone was broken during His suffering, His skin and flesh was torn and broken with blows from fists and clubs. His flesh was ripped with whipping and scourging, thorns, nails and spear. His body and soul were separated from each other by death, and because of that brokenness, we are healed.

“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭53:5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

We live in a fallen world, and we will all experience suffering to some degree. Today I want you to know that Jesus willingly entered into that fellowship of suffering with and for you. Anything and everything you have suffered, He can fully identify with. Pain, rejection, torment, grief, abuse, shame. He understands. He is close, and longs to heal your wounds. Will you allow him to draw near?

If you are reading this and have caused suffering for someone else, His arms were stretched wide on that cross for you too. You may be so engulfed in the pain of your past shame and mistakes, unable to undo all that’s been done, afraid that you’re too far gone to be redeemed. He is still for you, right here and right now. He wants to lavish you with unconditional love and mercy, and He is holding your forgiveness in His outstretched palms. Will you receive it?

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.”
‭‭John‬ ‭3:16-17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I pray as you read Jess’s story today, that you would find yourself holding up the broken pieces of your life as an offering to the one who was broken for you.

“Today I was thinking, “If I did a cardboard testimony what would it say?” More of my life than not I would describe myself as broken, belittled, mocked, abused, abandoned and throne away, unworthy and not enough. I allowed these words to shape my thoughts, to make me feel powerless and worthless. They defined me, shamed me and weighed me down. Then there were times I wore them with pride, like scars earned in battle. I thought they demonstrated my strength, resilience and power to triumph no matter the odds. However, no matter how I chose to wear them, they defined me as broken.

When I first left my marriage, and years of abuse, I looked for anyone whose story mirrored mine. I wanted so desperately to find within their stories of survival some glimmer of hope to replace the sadness and hopelessness that I was smothered by. The sadness and hopelessness that left me feeling isolated and alone. Little did I know, the greatest love of my life, My savior- Jesus Christ, had already bore the pain of those same words. He chose to understand their weight and their pain so I would never have to be alone in my hurting.

I have been a christian for most of my life. Saved and baptized early in my youth, I knew that God made me, loved me, and sent His son to save me. I knew I was His. I knew with an unwavering faith that the back-side of my cardboard testimony would one day say “loved, cherished, chosen, restored and set free!”. For years I could not imagine or see how God was going to redeem my story for His glory, but I had faith that He would.

The final months of my marriage were full of rage-filled moments, hate filled words, chilling silences, betrayals, physical violence that caused a fear in me that I can not describe. Even after escaping with my life, I felt hopeless and guilty. I felt discarded like trash. I felt unworthy to be loved. I felt unprotected and abandoned by the justice system. I felt worthless because of the pain and suffering that I did not deserve. I felt alone and broken, defined by the ugliest moments I had endured.

Today I love saying that the worst moments of my life demonstrate the unwavering love Christ has for us. I once thought I was so alone in my suffering and that no one would ever comprehend the horrors that now defined me, BUT JESUS! Jesus knows! Jesus chose to understand the brokenness, fear, hurt, betrayal, sadness and pain I felt. There is a powerful sense of relief and hope when you see your story reflected in someone else’s testimony. It is to be seen and understood. It makes you realize that you are not alone.

I had never looked at the story of Christ on the cross and saw a reflection of my own story. When I really examined His final days of His life on earth, I began to understand the power and beauty of His love. Jesus was betrayed. He was treated unjustly. He was beaten, mocked, and shamed by those who were meant to love Him. When I saw my story in His, my life changed. My God loved me so much that He chose to join me in my suffering. He didn’t leave me alone in it, or watch it from afar. He experienced it personally and took on my pain so that I could understand the depths of His love for me.

In His worst moments, Jesus taught me how to live, even in my pain. He taught me to serve others even when I am hurting. I discovered there is joy and healing in the serving. Jesus on the cross, in His suffering, tells the thief on the cross that he will be with Him in Heaven. Here He is dying for the sins of all mankind, yet the creator of the universe saw someone whose current pain reflected His own, and He offered him hope and salvation.

I have learned to never be ashamed to tell my story. To become intentional and expose my pains, hurts and failures so that others can see the hope and healing in my story. That hope and healing exists because of the redeeming power of Jesus.

Jesus on the cross taught me forgiveness. He begged God to forgive those crucifying Him. I couldn’t comprehend how I could ever forgive my ex-husband who had abused me, mocked me, stalked me and abandoned our son. But Jesus knew that unforgiveness chains us to the pain of our past. The world told me that my ex-husband didn’t deserve forgiveness. The world told me to embrace my anger because it was justified. But the unforgiveness left me consumed with anger and hatred, lonely and looking for anything to extinguish my pain. There is freedom in forgiveness that the enemy doesn’t want us to know or embrace. To know Jesus, to experience His love and live in the freedom the cross gives us, means to understand that loving Him is to forgive.

Once I knew, and could comprehend that God loved me so much that He chose to endure all of my pain first, I was overwhelmed. I was never alone. Long before I knew Him, His love set me free from my pain. I was set free from the lies and the labels I wore.

Today I know that the back of my cardboard testimony reads: “I am beautifully broken, loved, chosen, cherished, forgiven, restored and set free. I am exactly who God says I am, and I am His!”

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9-10‬ ‭ESV‬‬