So in 2020 I started having health issues (unrelated to covid). After some pain, frustration and tests, it became pretty obvious that it was time to really address the elephant in the room…. My food addiction. Being a person of prayer, I started to pray about what was going on and ask for help, and I became very convicted about the way I treated my body. As I began to examine my habits and patterns, I realized I had a stronghold where food was concerned , and very specifically a stronghold to sugar.

Now, when I started to share this revelation with my believing friends, many of them looked at me like I had 5 heads, and some of them brushed it off as me over spiritualizing.

So, I internalized my issue and began to question if maybe I really was being overly spiritual about it. I mean, it’s just-food. That is when God gently reminded me that some of us battle what might be more obvious strongholds and struggles with sin or idolatry, and others battle more subtle or socially acceptable forms of them. Many struggle with sexual addictions and lust, or anger and rage, and just because food was a struggle for me doesn’t mean it’s a struggle for everyone.

After many excuses and much resistance, in 2021 I finally began to submit to the process of the new work God wanted to do in me.

That leads me to what I really want to talk with you about today; unplugging. I know, you are probably scratching your head right now, confused as to what my gluttony has to do with unplugging and the photo of the unplugged cell phone above. Well honestly…. a lot.

In my process, and it is still a process because this sugar thing is strong and runs deep, I discovered a devotional The 40 day Sugar Fast by Wendy Speake. It was a very real, hard, and amazing 40 day fast. One of the hardest I have ever done, and so eye-opening.

I started to realize how I ran to sugar and comfort foods when I was stressed, sad, frustrated. Every emotion or feeling I had, I anesthetized with food. A lot more than I’d like to admit, I turned to a candy bar in my car before I cried out to Jesus. As I went deeper into my fast, I was confronted with the fact that as I had removed sugar, I had substituted it with more social media.

The 40 Day Sugar Fast led me to Wendy’s 40 Day social media fast. This time I felt prompted to form a small community group for women to do this together, and it would be during the summer. A hard time because let’s face it, we are all somehow convinced that we need to share every moment of our summer fun to prove we exist. The conversations we had were so healing and cathartic for me. I realized I had similar struggles, motives and even identity issues relating to social media.

The revelations I received during this time of disconnect brought into focus how I relate to God and others. I realized at the end, this 40 day journey was the awareness phase. It made me very aware of how I habitually turn to the world to fill the cup, when Jesus is the only one who can.

Now, I have had a love/hate relationship with social media for years. I would find myself fasting it a few times a year, just to take a break because I get overwhelmed by all of the opinions and strong personalities.

This past year God has used social media to peel back some layers and highlight the ugly junk in my heart. The division and frustration I started to feel with the body of Christ. The legalism, and even rebellion that wants to rise up in me. And the grossest….. self-righteousness. After fasting and refocusing, many times I would feel like the tie to these apps was broken, only to get sucked right back into my mindless scrolling. MINDLESS, habitual scrolling. Scary reality.

My biggest takeaway from this fast is how escapism is my crutch. I escape my feelings, boredom, loneliness, quiet, my family ( yikes) by scrolling. Another realization I had was my own flawed boundaries. For example, one thing I have always tried to do when I am with a group of people or a friend is to give them my attention by leaving my phone in my purse. I honestly can’t stand being with friends, or out to dinner, and the people/person I am with can’t put their phone down. It is a pet peeve right up there with leaving shopping carts in the parking lot. Ugh! And I digress…. so I try to give people my undivided attention, unless…. they’re living in my home.

I became very aware of how I was not honoring the people and relationships right in front of me. Lying in bed at night next to my husband, while we both scroll. Silencing my child because I “needed” to send a text or post something before they could finish their story. I was so content to be a voyeur into everyone else’s lives and adventures when I had a full and fulfilling life I was mostly ignoring. Ouch.

In Wendy’s book she poses the question “Is social media bad?” and the answer is…Perhaps not. But I was encouraged to ask the follow-up question and really assess myself “is it good for me?”. I know people who were previously addicts and alcoholics. While I can have a glass of wine and never care if I ever have another one, it is not good for my sober friend.

So I am learning to check my motives. Why do I want to post that photo or caption? Am I seeking approval, validation, affirmation? Are those things bad? No. But I know they can be bad for me. If certain people don’t respond the way I want, or at all, I can spiral really quickly into rejection. I know, it’s crazy, and yet it is a struggle for me.

Those 40 days were a moment in time where I was looking at my life and all of the ways media had infiltrated what used to be lovely private moments and even normal day-to-day life. I had discovered that so much of my posting was obligatory in nature so I wouldn’t be judged by some imaginary group of people out there. If I don’t post about each child’s birthday, what kind of mom am I? If I don’t shout out my husband on our anniversary, will they all think we’re on the brink of divorce? If I don’t post I will be forgotten, and lost in the algorithum. I know. IT IS SO SILLY.

I think if we would all sit back and really assess our own motives, we’d discover I am not so far off in my thinking. Many of us have gone down the same rabbitt hole. Now, please don’t enter into a shame spiral. Social media has been very cleverly designed to hook and reel us in. It’s designed to be addictive. What we need to do is ask ourselves, when we recognize addiction, is what are we going to do to deal with it?

As I have re-entered the realm of social media over the past couple of months, I miss the quiet moments of reflection, and simple existence I found during the fast. At the precipice of each new year, I identify and then set out to accomplish certain goals. As we approach 2022, I plan to pull back again and to seek solitude and silence. I long to hear the voice of God clearly and apart from other voices. I crave being filled up and refreshed in His presence. I want to write and find my voice again.

As I look back through my written reflections, a few months post- fast, I am reminded of the sweetness of the time I spent away, and I want to make my way back there:

“Am I done with social media? I can’t say for sure. When I logged back on during vacation to see a photo someone shared from our trip, it just didn’t have the same appeal. It feels really good to just live and enjoy the people I am with without telling the world about it. I have such a level of peace in my mind and heart because I am un-tethered from so much anxiety-inducing junk. It feels so good! It really is a lovely kind of freedom I am living right now. Is FOMO a real thing? You bet! However, it is also a beautiful thing to know and really connect with the real people right in front of me. It is satisfying to my soul to hear from a friend in a more personal way, simply because they had me on their mind. I no longer feel numbed or disillusioned. I feel, ALIVE.” —July 2021 journal excerpt.

What are my goals moving into the new year? I don’t really have them all figured out yet. I do know I want to revisit that feeling of being truly present, and listening with my undistracted and un-fractured all. And I certainly don’t want to always have my phone in my hand. I also want to do whatever it takes to preserve my peace. I definitely have less of that when I am too connected to the world.

As I leave you with this final thought before the new year, I’ll ask you the question Wendy asked me through her book. The question that shook up my world in the best way. Maybe look beyond the scope of social media. Perhaps you don’t struggle with social media addiction. What is that thing that grips you, shapes you, and moves you a little too much?

“Is it bad? Perhaps not. But….. Is it bad for you?”

“Jesus answered her, All who drink of this water will be thirsty again. But whoever takes a drink of the water I give him shall never, no never, be thirsty anymore. But the water I give him shall become a spring of water welling up (flowing, bubbling) [continually] within him unto (into, for) eternal life.1” John 4: 13-14 AMPC

“Let him search for peace (harmony; undisturbedness from fears, agitating passions, and moral conflicts) and seek it eagerly. [Do not mearly desire peaceful relations with your fellowmen, and with yourself, but pursue, go after them!]” 1 Peter 3:11 AMPC