Hello friends! It’s been a while. I have been struggling with a block in my thinking and writing process, completely unable to put together more than a sentence or two at a time. It mostly feels like a big ‘ole blank space in my head, and I’m just having a hard time with finding words in general during this odd time. It’s an uncomfortable place to be for a person who usually has more than enough words to go around!

Like many of you, I’m sure, the theme of my life over the past six months has been “one day at a time”. We have had some really heavy situations here with an aging and ailing parent, paired with life during a pandemic and ALL that is. I am learning, or trying, how to navigate all of the feelings and stressors that come with a particular sense of helplessness that has accompanied this season we are living in.

One of the hardest parts of the past six months, for me, has been the inability to plan. I am learning, sometimes begrudgingly, the art of being fluid with any of the plans I dare to make. I am also learning that it is ok to be unavailable and say no to things that are inherently good, simply because it’s not my season to say yes to those things. The hardest “no’s” often pave the way for the best “yes’s” and I am thankful Jesus and Lysa Terkeurst taught me that well before our current crises. Otherwise, I’d likely be in a tangled mess of un-kept promises and broken commitments.

I must be honest, I am not very flexible. I am a complete the to-do list, make the plans, and check the boxes kind of girl. I can totally go along and be nice about a sudden change of plans. I am even able to be optimistic about how things will turn out. But inside….I’m in panic mode. And don’t you know it’s thrown me off of my axis a bit that the only real box I have been able to check is basic hygiene? Brushed my teeth today. Done, and done.

One of the things we have had to be very flexible with lately is where we are doing life. My family and I have been spending a lot of time in the mountains caring for a sick family member. While I am very much a home body, I absolutely love the mountains! They are one of the places I feel like I really connect with the heart of God, and what He wants to do in and through me. Recently, as my husband and I sat by a fire in the shadow of the mountain on a very cool night, I heard the Lord speak to my heart “I am the fire by night.” Have you ever had God drop something so specific and powerfully visual on you that it makes you weep? As I drew near to the fire for warmth, He gave me a beautiful piece of His heart for His children. His heart for me, and believe it or not, His heart for you.

Night is dark. It can be cold and scary. I grew up in Texas, and night outside of the city there is REALLY dark. It’s very similar in the mountains. There are no lights for miles. Just stars– beautiful stars, the moon and the dark. It also gets loud. Sometimes night really creeps me out and scares me because I start to hear ALL of the noises, and the darkness somehow magnifies those noises. My mind goes to every creepy night terror and creature cloaked in worse case scenarios, and my heart will nearly run out of my chest!

We all have, or at some point will, experience a season(s) in life that feels a lot like a scary, dark night. We have no idea where our foot will fall next because we can’t see the next step, and uncertainty and anxiety threaten to take us. We start to feel cold and isolated, far from the warmth and safety of shelter and friendly faces. We hear all of the loud noises of night and feel paralyzed with fear, worry, and dread. We don’t know the hour or how much longer until the dawn, and we start to think maybe this night has no end.

BUT GOD.

The night is dark, but He’ll light the way. Each next step illuminated by His inextinguishable light. The night is cold, but if we’ll draw up close He will warm and comfort us. The night is scary, but the light of His fiery presence keeps the darkness at bay. And the dawn of a new day always comes after a long dark night. Always.

When we search our lives and face our every need, the God of the universe answers with a solid and sure statement of His identity, “I AM.”

I need peace. He says “I AM.” I need comfort. He says “I AM.” I need strength. He says “I AM.” I need help. He says “I AM.” I need hope. He says “I AM.” I need stability. He says “I AM.”

To every thing you could ever need, His promise is that He is personal and limitless. Draw near to Him and allow all that He is to warm your dark night.

He says “I AM, my sweet child. Take my hand.”

“And God said to Moses, I Am Who I Am and What I Am, and I Will Be What I Will Be;” Exodus 3:14a AMPC

“And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night. He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people.”
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭13:21-22‬ ‭NKJV‬‬